If you're not being yourself, than who are you?

It's a new year and I'm on a journey to rediscover myself...

It seems to be more complicated than it sounds. More and more I am realizing that often when lost in our insecurities by a desire to be loved or just plain liked we tend to lose a little of ourselves...attempting to become more like those around us until eventually we lose ourselves completely.

For instance, when we fall in love sometimes we can to lose ourselves in our significant other's interests. I have an impression that this likely happens more in women than men. You meet a guy...he's interested in cars (or sports or video games or whatever - for me it was cars and video games)...working on them, racing them, what have you...so as your way of showing how much you care-you listen, learn more that particular area/subject, and become more involved in this interest for him. Now, this is not necessarily a bad thing if it works both ways. BUT where it becomes bad...if you are like me...you may find that while you are becoming more involved in his interests...he is not showing the slightest interest in yours. Of course, when you are falling hard for someone at the time you don't see that. Eventually, little by little you see yourself becoming less involved in your own interests...and when that happens...well you lose yourself entirely.

I realize this MAY not happen to everyone but it is, I believe, what happened to me. Usually, I am a grounded person with a lot of common sense. BUT somehow when I'm head over heals in love with a guy...all that common sense goes out the window. I am only 26 years old but two years ago at the end of another long term relationship (almost 3 years)  (this one was slightly shorter than the last by a year) I realized that not only had I not been single since I was 17 (almost 7 years) BUT that somewhere along the way I had LOST myself in these relationships! I had no idea who I was anymore.

Not to say that I didn't have goals - I've always been career goal oriented and despite the rockiness of my relationships nothing had stopped me from completing those goals. I was in law school and headed towards my goal of becoming a lawyer. THAT, however, was not the problem. The problem was that aside from the whole lawyer thing, I was lost. I had no idea (outside of the law) of what I was interested in anymore...

Now, of course, that was two years ago and although I have re-discovered some of those lost passions and interests (like my love for horseback riding and my desire to write (it had been so long since I wrote anything)), last year really threw me for a loop. I have been feeling lately that I am still not living my life to my fullest potential. I haven't quite figured out where God is taking me...I just know that I am meant for something more and so this year is about discovering that purpose and finding happiness in the journey & not the destination.